BrainTeasers:《中英》Breaking the Deadlock by Master Hsing Yun

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Breaking the Deadlock

Have you ever gotten into a fight with someone? How do you break the deadlock? In the course of your life, when there are conflicts and no one is giving in, how do you break the stalemate?

Some people are good at breaking deadlocks and, with a smile, can easily bring an end to an argument. For them, there is no fight that can-not be resolved. Other people make a mountain out of a mole-hill, and a small matter can grow into a major issue that becomes difficult to settle.

If you are often faced with deadlocks when handling different situations, the following are some ways to resolve them:

1. Maintain a low profile while handling conflicts. Never appear arrogant or high-handed, which can only make matters worse.

2. Apologize first when a stalemate is reached because it is polite and wise to do so. Apologizing does not mean losing. Conversely, by being unreasonable and overbearing, others will only despise you, causing you to lose more.

3. If a deadlock results from disagreements, praise the other party for his or her views as a friendly gesture, and the situation will be easier to resolve.

4. If the impasse results from bickering over gains or losses, give in appropriately to eventually find the path to a solution.

5. If the other party is prejudiced, greet him or her nicely. For instance, you can invite him or her to sit down, or offer him or her a cup of tea. By treating others with a "warm" attitude, you can reduce the cold feelings of prejudice and reach the warmth of an agreement.

6. Smiles, care, poise, and courtesy are the best ways to resolve deadlocks. There is a Chinese saying, "A fist will not hit a smiling face, and nasty words will not be directed at praise." The warm spring breezes will surely break the ice.

7. When you realize there is a misunderstanding, you can first explain your standpoint over the phone, or ask a trusted friend to act as a mediator in order to break through the impasse.

8. Speak well about the person and praise his or her virtues. These good words may eventually reach that person, which can help end the deadlock.

In relating to others, misunderstandings and deadlocks are inevitable. Between spouses there are fights and cold wars, but if one side is willing to say with a smile, "You are correct, dear," then any ice can be broken. In Buddhism, many devotees taking the Triple Gem Refuge and the Five Precepts Ceremony have vowed to be Buddhas. If they are Buddhas, what is there to argue and fight about? If we are willing to say more kind words and accept the shorter end of the stick more often, every deadlock can be broken.

Just as an expert locksmith can open any lock and a polished craftsperson can sculpt any jade, those with true wisdom can resolve any difficult situation. We can use a gentle heart, compassion, and even a nod of the head or kind words to resolve deadlocks. As long as we are sincere, we can melt the ice and snow of a stalemate. In addition, if we are willing to accept disadvantages, we can surely be experts in breaking deadlocks!

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全原文如下：

星雲大師點撥

《迷悟之間》：打破僵局

你有和別人鬧彆扭嗎？彼此的僵局怎麼解開？你在與人共事的時候，相互執著，彼此怎樣打開僵局呢？

有人善於打開僵局，所以凡事一笑泯恩仇，沒有解不開的爭執；有的人些許小事，造成尷尬的局面，使局面越來越僵，到最後不可收拾。假如你與人常有僵局的場面出現，僅提供你一些解決僵局的方法：

一、凡是僵局出現，應以低姿態來緩和僵局，不要抬高架勢，盛氣凌人，那會造成僵局越來越僵。

二、僵局產生的時候，先自我認錯，即使先道歉也不失為君子風度。肯得認錯道歉的人，並不代表一定就是輸家；反而強詞奪理，氣勢凌人，才會增加別人對你的鄙視。

三、雙方因意見不合造成僵局，你不妨讚美對方，讓對方感受到你的善意，僵局也就不難解開了！

四、僵局的發生，大都是因為利害得失，斤斤計較；假如適時的退讓，則必然峰迴路轉，自會打開僵局。

五、如果對方先存成見，不妨先跟他招呼；例如：「請坐」，或者倒一杯茶，對其噓寒問暖，則寒冬必能化為春天的來臨。

六、笑容、親切、風度、禮貌都是解決僵局的不二法門。所謂「舉拳不打笑臉人，惡口不罵讚美者。」春風吹來，寒冰還能不破解嗎？

七、知道對方對我們存有芥蒂，不妨先以電話紓解；或者請他信賴的好友從中解釋，以便消除僵局。

八、有意無意之間，在背後說其好話、盛讚其人，由他人不著意的、婉轉地傳入對方耳中，可能會收到打開僵局的效果。

人與人之間相處，誤會僵局都是難免的。就算是夫妻，也有冷戰的時候；假如形成僵局，只要有一方肯陪個笑臉，說一聲：「親愛的！就算你對好了！」僵局必能化解於無形。佛教裏，三皈五戒的弟子，都曾經許諾過自己是佛；既然是佛，我是佛，我還要跟他計較、劍拔弩張嗎？我多說幾句好話，我甘願多受一些委屈，有什麼樣的僵局不能解開呢？

巧匠對於再難開的鎖，他也能解得開；妙手所到，再難琢磨的玉石，他也能把它雕琢成好的器皿。真正有智慧的人，再難化解的僵局，也沒有打不開的。比方說：「柔軟心」能打開僵局，「慈悲意」能打開僵局，點個頭能打開僵局，說好話能打開僵局；只要吾人熱忱，自然能溶化寒冰似的僵局。

能否打開僵局，就看你是不是肯吃虧？如能，那你就是一個打破僵局的高手了！