@发牢骚：溺孝(@GRUMBLE: Obsessed Filial Piety)

Image by Tumisu from Pixabay

When something becomes an obsession, the problem starts...

Dickson Idlier

Is obsessed filial piety a problem? How can filial piety becomes an obsession? My wife may not be the only one who is in this state and in denial. She has become a 'mother' to her mother, worrying that she get bullied, buy necessities for them, make every decision that they have to make. However, what she did not realize was that this mother had become an "ignorant child" under her obsessive care, unable to make correct judgments, completely relying on her for almost everything in daily life, and almost unable to take care of herself completely and properly. This is a sad scene that I noticed but due to my wife's obsession, there is nothing I can do and let her repay her 'debt' to her parents. Because anything related to her family is sensitive, it's a fact she doesn't want to face.".Some background on these two woman:

My wife has been independent since young and since her brother has gave up on the family, she has to single-handedly take care of the family. She is a rather smart lady but obsessed with her family matters. I have been helping her out with her family matters but it has come to a stage that I feel that I am being 'tool man' since the time I knew her and I now no longer has the energy and compassion to continue doing so. 

Even though her mother has about Primary 1 education level, she has been able to sustain the whole family so I do not think she has too low IQ. She is just sly, two-headed snake and vile person. Just that she like a supervisor and prefers to let her daughter settle things for her. She cannot make good decisions usually and she does not know the art of speaking. She may have bad intentions and speaking half truths, thus always pissing and screwing people off with her words.😡 She relies heavily on her daughter but does not show as much consideration as compared to her brother. This is a old mindset with older folks, there is nothing to complain about but she denies this. She is also ungrateful. When buying stuff for her, she only complains what is lacking in those things bought for her but she has never mentioned anything earlier. There is no gratitude at all, only complaint. he sometimes creates a mess and lets her daughter to clear up her shit. She still has a lot of traditions to follow and in-flexible in handling them.

When you have a girlfriend or wife that has this feature, obsessed filial piety, I now think it is better for her to suffer enough until she wants a change, than trying to help her to change when she is not ready. Helping her out only makes things worse for this situation and sinking deeper into the road of no return. 

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当某件事成为一种痴迷时，问题就开始了。。。

闲人·迪克森

溺孝是个问题吗？孝道怎么会成为一种溺？我的妻子可能不是唯一一个处于这种状态的人。她已经成为母亲的“母亲”，担心她受到欺负，为她购买必需品，做出她必须做出的每一个决定。然而，她没有意识到的是，这位母亲在她痴迷的照顾下变成了一个“无知的孩子”，无法做出正确的判断，在日常生活中几乎任何事情都完全依赖她，几乎无法完全妥善的照顾自己。我注意到这是一个悲伤的场景，但由于我妻子的溺孝，我已无能为力，也让她还她该还的责。因为任何与她的家庭有关的事情很敏感，是她不想面对的事实。

关于这两位女士的一些背景：

我妻子从小就独立了，由于她哥哥已经放弃了这个家庭，她不得不独自照顾这个家庭。她是一位相当聪明的女士，但对家庭事务很着迷。我一直和她解决家庭问题，但现在已经到了这样一个地步，对她妈来说，我是个‘工具人’。现在的我已经再也没有精力和意愿继续这样做了。

尽管她的母亲有大约小学一年级的教育水平，但她能够维持整个家庭，所以我不认为她智商太低。她是个阴险，双面人和不择不扣的小人。只是她当她让女儿解决所问题时，把自己当一个主管而已。她通常不能做出好的决定，也不知道说话的技巧。尽管她话里可能有恶意，只说其一，没说其二，唯恐天下不乱。😡她非常依赖女儿，但与哥哥相比，她没有表现出那么多的体贴。这是老年人的旧观念，没有什么可抱怨的，但却她否认了这一点。她在给自己买东西的时候也不领情。她只能抱怨为她买的那些东西缺少什么，但她从来没有提到过。完全一点感恩之心都没有，只有抱怨。她有时会制造麻烦，让女儿来收拾她的烂摊子。有时还嫌弃女儿做的不好。她还有一大堆传统要跟，不会变通。

当有人有这种特点（溺孝）时，我现在认为，与其在她还没有准备好的时候试图帮助她改变她妈，不如让她忍受足够的痛苦，直到她想要有改变。帮助她只会让这种情况变得更糟，并更深地陷入不归路。

当孝顺过了底线，就是溺孝。盲目的尽孝道，是会害死父母的。父母太过依赖，变成连一个小孩子都不如。父母还算是父母吗？当妻子是来还债的，但我看得心痛。不过当还完了，就有人走了。我看不下去了。

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