BrainTeasers: Yu Dan—Gain and Loss wisdom (文明之旅)

This is a Youtube video discussing on gain and loss with Yu Dan. Below is the video from youtube:

Picture from the video link below

0150921 文明之旅 于丹 得失有道

Speaker background:

Yu Dan (Chinese: 于丹; pinyin: Yú Dān, born June 28, 1965) is professor of media studies at China's Beijing Normal University. She is also assistant to the Dean, Faculty of Arts & Media, as well as the Department Chair of the Film & Television Media Department. -- Extracted from Wikipedia (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yu_Dan_(academic))

This talk is with Yu Dan under the 文明之旅 series from CCTV. As there are some controversy with some of her historical facts presented, some examples will not be taken down her as I am not in the position to say write or wrong.

• 世界那么大， 我想去看看 (Reason for resignation from a former high school teachers (Gu Shaoqiang)). During an interview, Miss Gu also states that she wanted to chase after her love. Is it worth it?

    Miss Gu got married with her love at first sight husband in Dali and both settled down in Chengdu. As a formal teacher in a school and a respectable career, she gives it up to tour the world. Since many people do not dare to venture the unknown, when this teacher does this, people would exclaim how brave she is. 得失是每一个时候的状态 (Gain and losses refer to a state at a moment). Like her in this talk show with Fang Fei now, she is also losing time to be with her mom and child. Therefore gains and losses exist in every moment in life or actually our whole life. Or for old person, his relatives and children around to cry for him, as well as his social status but why is everyone feel grieved when he already gained so much? Why we hold best wishes when a baby gains nothing? These start and end are just the gain and loss of life. The key is how to evaluate our gains and losses in our life.

• 小事不算计 大事不糊涂 (If people aren't too calculative for trifles and muddle-headed about important matters) 

If follow the above phrase, no mistakes will be made in gains and losses all their lives. People shouldn't be calculative for trifles to be more accomodative in their hearts. If they are busy with trifles all their lives, they won't have time paying attention to important matter.  Not muddle-headed with important matters is have clear distinction between right and wrong. 

• 得失要用道德衡量 (Gains and losses are measured by morality)

Moral value shows when not muddle-headed on important matter. Elders’ fraudulent claims (老人碰瓷) is when elderly person falls and someone tries to help. But elderly claimed he was knocked down and demand compensation. If such news spreads, parent would teach their kids not to help fallen elders and such actions affects moral values of people in the long run. Moral sense is an important factor in gains and losses. 

• 大事有是非 (Why is the basis(前提) of gains and losses between right and wrong in important matters?)

When weighing gains and losses, we should take context into consideration and know right and wrong. If this important basis is lost, people will only own money in the end one day, while their morale, fame, dignity and freedom maybe lost. 

• 名与身熟亲？名与货熟多？—老子 (Laozi asked, "Fame and health, which is more important to a person? Health and money, which is more important to a person?”)

When a person already demeaned himself, acted obsequiously and lost his dignity due to pursue of fame(名) or become haggard and eaten up by diseases, isn’t healthy body more important to you? Money and earnings can be calculated in most exact and clear way. However, what are the actual losses behind earned money? Do we worry too much about our gains and losses of fame and money today? It is an important matter between gains and losses. Gains and losses of many things are two sides of a coin. One side means gain while the other means loss. 

    In an story, there was a king who had a favored minister who always take everything as “it’s the best outcome of this matter”. The king always puzzled because difficulties and bad luck were always inevitable in life. How could he say that everything was the best? One day the king went hunting with him. The king shot a leopard and was very happy. However, when the king turned over leopard, the dying leopard snapped the pinkie of the king with its mouth. Fresh blood was flowing and the king felt extremely painful. That minister comfort him, "in fact, it's also not bad now. Maybe its the best result."  This angered the king and he put the minister in prison. After that, the wound healed and the king continued the journey. One night with full moon, he strayed very far and passed by a relative uncivilized tribe that had a tradition of worshiping at the night with full moon.  People of the tribe captured the king and brought him to their chief, wanting to use him as a sacrifice. He thought he would really die. As they stripped his clothes off, they found that one of is fingers was missing. They said, "The sacrifice should be intact without any wounds on the body, not to mention the physical defect. It seems impious and irreverent to sacrifice a person without a finger to the heaven. Let him go." So the frightened king ran back. After going back, he was still suffering from the shock and thought, "That minister is too wise. Since he said its the best result, I should release him immediately." So the king released him. After that, the king asked him, "Did you ever predicted it?" The minister said, "Actually not. I just think when we lose something in life, we should wait for change quietly. It may not be bad in the future." The king said, "I'll ask you another question. Do you think the fact that I wronged you and put you in prison is good for you?" The minister said, "Think about it. If I hadn't been put in prison, I would have accompanied you to go hunting. You lost a finger, while I lost nothing. I would be killed as a sacrifice to the heaven. Don't you think that it's the best for me to be kept in prison?" 

All gains and losses in the world match the dialectics. There is no absolute gain without loss and no absolute loss without gain. The key is how to evaluate it. As the saying goes, life is like half a bottle of wine. The optimistic stress the wine, while the pessimistic stress the empty bottle. The gains and losses are actually a kind of balance. 

Question and Answer section in the video:

Q: A saying goes “Things will mend in the end” (船到桥头自然直). I think it means letting nature takes its course. However if we let something take its course, we'll surely suffer losses and lose something. Can the gains and losses be predictable?

A: In fact, some matters can be predictable. However for the sake of immediate gains, many people don't hesitate to risk danger in desperation. For example, do you think drug traffickers can predict their end? They surely know that it's much more profitable than selling cucumbers. However, isn't it predictable morally and legally? Therefore, on the basis of morality, the gains and losses are effective(有效) is predictable. However, on the other hand, many things in life are unpredictable. When something unpredictable happens by surprise in life, access it by political integrity(大节). We shouldn't be confused about views on right and wrong. Secondly, if it's only a small trifle, don’t be calculative. just let it pass and treat it leniently(看寬处). 

Q: Many students asked me, "If we also study aboard like you in China, we'll surely get a higher salary after we come back to the country. However if they work hard for three years in their own country instead of studying aboard, their salaries will surely be raised to a certain extent." Therefore, when they ask me such a question, I don't know how to explain the gains and losses to them. So I would like to seek your advice.

A: She asked the enquirer what was his reason for coming to China to study. He replied back then, he liked studying in China, so he came in the beginning. Later, he was inseparable from it slowly. When he just came to China, he thought climbing the mountain and wanted to climb to the top. If he was on the mountain side, he might see one or two roads. However, when he reached the top, he could see many roads. If he continued or go somewhere else, he could always see many roads. That's his thoughts. 

She said he was particularly right. She think he can say these words to those students who asked him the question. He has given the best answer. Because of his liking and inseparable from it, he climbed the mountain top regardless of some other things. Sometimes people gain a lot because they ignore some other things (not being calculative). However, when they care much about some other things (calculative), they can't gain what they want instead. If youngsters asked how to gain more roads, without climbing the mountain top? It's impossible, so he can't answer them. Sometimes when we ignore some other things (learn to let go of calculative mindset), we'll gain the most. 

Q: As for the gains and losses in adolescence, do you have any suggestions? Do children make a choice between gains and losses and have the idea of gains and losses? 

A: Actually Confucius said there are three precepts in life. Young people should abstain from feminine beauty due to uncertain physical vigor, namely emotional test(少之时，血气未定，戒之在色。). In her opinion, young people have nothing due to unstable physical vigor. They can gain all possibilities in the world. Her suggestion is we shouldn't let small calculative limit the grand patterns. For instance, parents always stressed the importance of raising a clever child. What is the standard of cleverness? Perhaps they think a good child is quick wits, as well as nibble, a good sense and can calculate everything clearly since childhood. However, it's also a choice to be unwise sometimes. She read a short fable about a small group of small frogs. 

    In the beginning, all were very ambitious and decided to climb the top of tall tree collectively. Then they all began to climb and began tired gradually. Then some frogs said, "As frogs, we should live in a pond. Who had this bad idea? Is it necessary for us to climb up a tree? Why do we climb up a tree?" Some said, "You are right. How stupid we are! So tired! It's rather hard for us to climb up such tall tree. It's impossible." At last, one by one the frogs stopped climbing. They all stopped at different locations successively and disdained(不屑). At this moment, a smallest frog was still climbing. Without looking back, it climbed to the top of the tree directly. Others kept silent and suddenly realized that the small frog insisted on climbing to the top of the tree when they gave up. They were also of the same kind but such a weak and small frog, how come it was so amazing? They waited for the small frog to come down. Then they came to ask it, "We discussed loudly just now. Why didn't you stop? What on earth is the force to make you climb up the tree?" Later, they found that the small frog gave them a blank look. After quite a long time, they figured out that the small frog was deaf by nature, so it couldn't hear anything. When seeing others began to climb, the small frog thought it's a thing worth doing by all of them. Therefore, it just immersed itself in the thing worth doing by all of them. However, when they began to worry about their gains and losses and be concerned of trifles or give up, it didn't hear. It just kept climbing without distractions and didn't hear anything actually created a miracle, so it's the only frog who reached the goal in the end. 

That is to say teenagers should learn from the small frog. They are not necessarily foolish. However, today's children are extremely clever. Most of today's children are like those discussing frogs just now. I think today's children prematurely consider those gains and losses in the adult world in their hearts. She don't think impertinency, absurdity and excessive courageousness are fatal flaws in children. If they are too shrewd and indifferent to the world, it's a fatal flaw. The young shouldn't be calculative. If a person worries about and fusses over trifles at age of 18, he will regret it at age of 80. It's because he doesn't dare to try anything unworthy of his attention from the age of 18 to 80. The dashing spirit he lost is just the biggest loss in his lifetime. You will be the safest if you are indifferent to all the things in the world. However, in the end, why do you come to this world? The life is boring. 

Q: When people grow to middle age, they actually value the gains and losses very highly. At this time, they need money to support family with aged and kids, establish their status in society and demands for fame and fortune. At this time, it's the hardest for them to make a choice between gains and losses. What advices do you have?

A: Confucious said middle-aged are energetic and have developed themselves. With certain social status, they've accumulated some money and some friends. So they could fight as they have resources. Therefore Confucious said that the middle-aged should abstrain from fighting （及其壮也，血气方刚，戒之在斗。）. So in her opinion, the middle-aged tend to show off their ability, which means they're capable of fighting. However, is this really what they have gained？ She once read a particular interesting short story. 

There was a rich widow after her husband passed away. So she particularly cherished her life. She wanted to choose a particularly safe driver personally. She asked her steward to employ drivers of best skills nationwide. In the end, the steward led three drivers to her and said, "These three drivers are absolutely the best in their skills. However, I don't know which one is your favourite. You can choose one you deem fit." And then, the rich widow asked them a question. "If I go out in your car and there is a cliff in front, how far can you stop the car from the cliff with your skills?” The first driver said, "I can  stop the car ten meters far away from the cliff." The second one said, "My skills are much better and I can stop the car three meters far away from the cliff." The third one said, "I'll stop the car as soon as I see the cliff far away." Everybody knows who gets employed. In fact, what is "gain" in your opinion? The second driver showing off his skills could stop the car three meters far away from the cliff, is apparently the best. However, he lost this job. The third driver said he would stop the car when he saw the cliff afar. It seemed that he was not so cool and not so strong. However, did this driver suffer losses? This driver gave up the fighting spirit and focused on his safety, so he could gain the position without a doubt. 

So the middle-aged treats gains and losses like this. They'll be encumbered by skills because they have mastered skills（莫被“技术”所累). Sometimes when they show off their skills, they'll lose something. Laozi also said, "Those who try to shine themselves are not clear（自见者不明）. Those who always think they are superior to others, are unwise and are illustrious for the time being, but it won't be everlasting definitely. Laozi pursued something everlasting. Confucious said the middle-aged should abstain from fighting. For the middle-aged, if they can understand these words and keep moving forward regardless of fighting, they will gain a lot.